Weird occupational hazards
by Paul Auchon
Summary: Napoleon, Gaby and Illya are sent to Johannesburg by Waverly to meet a contact and collect some information. After the mission, they are supposed to relax and enjoy their time in Johannesburg but thanks to Napoleon, things are not going to be that simple...
1. Chapter 1

**Here is the first chapter of my new story. It's going to be shorter and a lighter tone than the first one. I hope you enjoy it :)**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own the characters**

Gaby was honking furiously. She knew it wasn't really going to make traffic move faster but it certainly helped with her nerves. Of course Napoleon had chosen the worst time of the day to need an emergency trip to the hospital. She glanced at the American agent in the rear-view mirror, he was holding a handkerchief to his nose and had a worried look in his eyes.

"I'm not feeling too well…"

"We know that Cowboy.", Illya was with him in the backseat. "Shut your mouth and concentrate on keeping your blood inside your body."

"Keep…what? How am I supposed to do that? You do understand that I have no control over this?"

Illya shrugged, then took hold of Napoleon's wrist to check his pulse. It was slightly elevated but it was no surprise. Illya knew Solo well enough to see through his apparent calm. The man was scared. Illya reached to remove the handkerchief from Napoleon's face and have a look at his nose. It was still bleeding. He then examined the fresh gauze pad they had hastily taped to his chin. It was saturated with blood. He cursed softly in Russian.

"What kind of language is that Peril?", Napoleon admonished. "You must be really worried about me. That's sweet, Peril, really, your concern touches my heart."

The look of annoyance on Illya's face made him chuckle. Then his laugh turned into a fit of coughing. He quickly pressed his free hand to his mouth. When the cough subsided he looked at his cupped hand, there was a mix of blood and spit in it.

"Oh great…", he groaned.

Illya's frown deepened as he handed him another handkerchief. Why did his partner always have to be so sophisticated? Even when he was sick or hurt it couldn't be something simple, like a cold or a bullet wound. No, instead he had to start bleeding all over the place without any apparent reason. He knew he wasn't really angry at Solo. His anger was only a way to hide how worried he was. He caught Gaby's eyes in the rear-view mirror, she looked as concerned as he felt. He let out an exasperated sigh.

 _You can't get enough attention, can you Cowboy?_

 **End of chapter 1**


	2. Chapter 2

**Here is chapter 2. Let me know what you think :)**

 _The previous day_

"Well that was an easy and uneventful mission.", Napoleon said as he pocketed the tape containing the information Waverly had requested. Their contact had just left and the three of them were alone in the huge abandoned warehouse where the meeting had taken place.

"Don't jinx it, Cowboy"

"Jinx what? We met with the contact, we got the tape, no one followed us here. I think it went pretty well. You should try to relax for once Peril, tell him Gaby."

Gaby was looking around her, trying to see through the dark. The only light in the warehouse was coming from holes in the high ceiling. She didn't usually get nervous during this type of mission but she couldn't shake the feeling that they shouldn't stay there for too long.

"I think we should leave now and get back to the hotel. Waverly will be waiting for our report.", she answered, wondering why she felt so uneasy. She noticed that Illya was also peering through the darkness, scanning their surroundings.

"Let's go now.", he said and started walking in the direction of the door which was at the far end of the warehouse. Gaby immediately followed him.

"Fine, we're leaving.", Napoleon said. "But you two are killjoys. By the way, I'm warning you, I'm going out tonight. To celebrate the success of our mission and experience the various pleasures that Johannesburg has to offer. You're free to follow me, of course."

Illya rolled his eyes. "No thanks, Cowboy."

"I just want to get back to the hotel, take a shower and relax. You'll have to go on your own.", Gaby added in an apologetic tone.

Napoleon shook his head. He was going to follow them, when he noticed what looked like a large mud stain on his left shoe. He bent down and unsuccessfully tried to wipe it off. _Dammit!_ Those were expensive shoes. He straightened up and was about to voice his discontent when he realized that the others were already out of earshot. Suddenly, he heard something move, close behind him. Just as he was registering the noise he felt displaced air brush past his hair, then something was around his neck.

 _Garrote!_

Napoleon instinctively stepped back and slammed his head backwards while raising his arms to grab his opponent's wrists. The back of his head connected with what he supposed was his attacker's nose and he felt the rope around his neck loosen. He quickly rammed his elbow into his assailant's ribs and the rope went completely slack. Before his attacker could recover he dropped to his knees to slip free from the rope. He spun around gasping, holding one hand to his throat, the other reaching for his gun. But the man was already in front of him and before he could aim, the gun was kicked out of his hand. Then his surprisingly agile attacker pounced on him.

 _How did he recover so quickly?_

The man was now pinning him to the floor, he had hooked his own legs around Solo's to prevent him from pushing himself up. His forearm was pressed against the American's throat and his other hand was reaching for Napoleon's inner jacket pocket. A half-strangled Napoleon finally managed to land a solid punch to the man's face, stunning him enough to push him away. His attacker rolled off him and suddenly froze. Napoleon had heard it too, running footsteps and voices calling his name. The man hesitated and started to get up. Realizing that his assailant was about to get away Napoleon lunged at him. Just as he was touching his shoulder, the man turned around and Solo felt a sharp sting on the back of his hand. As he jerked his hand back, and let out a small cry of surprise, he saw something glint in his attacker's hand, it looked like a really thin stiletto knife. His eyes shifted to the man's face and for a second he thought he saw him smile but he couldn't be sure because of the lack of light. Then his attacker darted towards the back of the warehouse.

Gaby and Illya reached him just as the man was disappearing through the darkness. The Russian had his gun in his hand.

"You okay Cowboy?", Illya asked frowning at the sight of his partner's disheveled state.

"Never been better.", Napoleon groaned as he massaged his throat. "Where were you when I needed you?"

"We were waiting for you outside.", Gaby explained. "You were not showing up so we came back to check if you were okay. What happened?"

"A man attacked me. A man who was trying to get his hands on this.", Napoleon answered, taking the tape out of his pocket.

"Just one man?", Illya asked, a mocking smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. "You're getting too old for this, Cowboy."

"Hey, the man came at me with a garrote. He had a knife too and almost stabbed me.", Napoleon protested.

Gaby recalled the uneasy feeling that had gripped her earlier.

"He must have been there from the start, spying on us. Then when he saw you alone he seized the opportunity and attacked you. We'll have to mention it to Waverly."

"At least he didn't get what he was looking for." Napoleon concluded, returning the tape to his pocket.

They cautiously searched the warehouse but Napoleon had a feeling that his attacker was already long gone. Illya finally found a hidden opening in the back of the warehouse.

"Must have slipped out through here."

"Well, good riddance. Let's get back to the hotel and report to Waverly. I can't wait to change out of these clothes and enjoy a nice drink."

It took them two hours to drive back from the warehouse to their hotel. Gaby kept checking that they were not being followed. Only once they had reached their hotel safely did they allow themselves to fully relax.

The three of them shared a two-bedroom suite. Gaby used one room, Napoleon the other, Illya slept on the couch in the main room. Gaby had offered to take turns but Illya had insisted that it was fine. Napoleon had suggested that Illya and Gaby sleep in the same room, which had earned him a pair of glares.

As soon as they got to their room, Napoleon rushed towards the bathroom door. Illya blocked his way.

"Ladies first, Cowboy."

"You could be a bit nicer, Peril. I just got attacked, remember?"

"All right Solo.", Gaby said with a laugh. "You can go first, just don't fall asleep in there. Illya and I will call Waverly in the meantime."

After a while Illya and Gaby heard the sound of the bolt sliding open and Napoleon emerged from the bathroom. Gaby smiled at the sight of his wet hair clinging to his forehead. She knew it would soon be perfectly combed back for his evening out.

"Will you join us for a drink before you leave, Cowboy?", Illya asked, reaching for the glasses.

"Actually, I think I'm going to lie down for a bit. Maybe we can have that drink later."

"Are you okay, Solo?", Gaby asked, surprised. It wasn't like the American to pass up a drink.

"Yeah, it's nothing serious, just a headache, a bit of nausea. I just need to rest for a bit.". Then he walked to his room.

Gaby shot Illya a questioning look. He shrugged.

"CIA agents are delicate flowers", he said mockingly.

"I heard that, Peril", came Napoleon's voice through the door of his room.

Gaby smiled. She was feeling a bit sorry for her partner. Solo was always the most eager to get out and enjoy himself after a mission. But in a way it was a good thing that Napoleon took some time to rest after what had happened to him. After all, a few hours of sleep were not going to _kill_ him.

 **End of chapter 2.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3! Thanks for the reviews :)**

It was already 10am when Napoleon emerged from his room. Illya and Gaby had woken up around 7 and had been killing time, waiting for him to get up. Illya was starting his fourth game of chess. Gaby had attempted to play the first one against him but she found the game slow and boring. She was now reading a book on the couch. She couldn't help but smile when she saw Solo drag his feet to the bathroom with his sleepy face, his tousled hair and his wrinkled pajamas. It always amused her to see this other side of him as most of the time his outfit was impeccable, without a hair out of place.

"You slept like a big baby last night, Cowboy", Illya said without taking his eyes off his chess game. "Are you feeling any better?"

Solo grumbled something inaudible and locked himself in the bathroom.

Half an hour later he was out of the bathroom and getting dressed in his room. After a while he joined them in the main room. Fully dressed, his hair combed back, he looked a little bit more like himself.

"Still grumpy, Solo?", Gaby asked.

"No, no I just needed some time to wake up.", He replied, flashing her his usual charming smile.

"And a half hour-long shower. We thought that maybe you had drowned in there.", Illya added, his eyes still on the chessboard.

"What's that on your chin?", Gaby was pointing at a gauze pad that was taped to Napoleon's chin.

"Just a shaving cut. I didn't want to make a mess so I put that on it to stop the bleeding."

"How's your headache?"

"It's doing well, thank you. The nausea's still there too and I've had this strange taste in my mouth since I woke up. I might be coming down with something."

Gaby got up and poured him a glass of water.

"Here, this might help with the bad taste."

Napoleon thanked her and sat down on the couch. He took a sip from the glass and kept the water in his mouth, attempting to rinse away the unpleasant taste. Then he reclined his head against the back of the couch, took another sip and…choked on it. He started coughing and spitting water all over himself. Gaby promptly proceeded to hit him on the back as hard as she could.

"Stop, Gaby, I'm okay… I'm okay!", Napoleon managed in a half-strangled voice.

Reassured that the American was fine, Illya chuckled and reached across the chessboard to move a piece.

Gaby fetched a towel and started mopping up the water on his shirt. Suddenly she froze mid-gesture and frowned.

"Solo, is that blood on your shirt?"

Napoleon looked down and spotted a spatter of pinkish-red stains on the front of his shirt.

"Hum, that's odd, there was also blood in the sink this morning when I rinsed my mouth."

Illya was no longer paying attention to his chess game. He was staring at Napoleon, with furrowed brows.

"You're spitting up blood, Cowboy? Did you take a blow to the ribs when you were attacked yesterday?"

"No, it's nothing. I probably brushed my teeth too hard.", Napoleon replied, getting up and heading for his room.

Illya was up in a heartbeat and put himself right in front of Napoleon, blocking his way.

"Where are your manners, Peril? You do know that there is such a thing as personal space, right?"

"Let me see."

"What? No, I told you I wasn't hit in the ribs yesterday. I think I would know if I had broken ribs.", Napoleon answered impatiently. Then he tried to force his way past his partner.

Illya grabbed him by the shoulders, spinning him around. Then he hooked his arms under the American's armpits and raised them, clasping his hands behind Napoleon's neck, immobilizing him.

"Seriously, Peril?!"

Illya glanced at Gaby, who immediately understood what he had in mind. She placed herself in front of a protesting Napoleon and started unbuttoning his shirt.

"You were going to have to take it off anyway.", she said, her tone apologetic.

"Check for bruising, or swelling.", Illya instructed.

"No bruising, everything looks normal."

"I could have told you that.", Napoleon groaned as Illya finally let go of him. "Are you satisfied now or do I need…"

"Solo", Gaby cut in. "Your nose…"

"What?"

"It's bleeding…"

Napoleon was about to raise his hand to his face when Illya grabbed him by the chin, turning his head a little too forcefully so that he could examine his nose.

"I might be wrong, Peril, but I don't think that breaking my neck is going to make things any better."

"You didn't take a blow to the head yesterday Cowboy, did you?", Illya was already moving his hands all over his scalp, feeling for a bump.

"No. Relax, Peril, it's only a nosebleed. Don't they know about nosebleeds in the KGB?"

Illya didn't answer. His eyes were now fixed on the gauze pad on Napoleon's chin. It looked like it was soaked with blood.

"When did you say that you cut your chin?"

"This morning, when I shaved before I took a shower but…Ouch!"

Illya had just ripped off the tape holding the gauze pad and was now examining Napoleon's cut.

"This should have already started to clot.", He said softly.

 _What's happening to you, Cowboy?_

Gaby was coming back with a handkerchief for Napoleon's nose. She paused when she saw Illya's worried expression.

"What is it?"

"I don't know. But something's wrong. The sudden bleeding from the mouth and nose… and for some reason his blood doesn't seem to be clotting normally."

"What's causing this? Is it because he's sick? Could it be something that he ate?"

Napoleon cleared his throat.

"You do realize that I'm still in the room? Would you mind handing me that handkerchief, Gaby? Blood is dripping into my mouth."

"How are you feeling, Cowboy?", Illya asked, looking him in the eye.

"I'm fine, just really tired. And feeling a bit sick that's all.", Napoleon answered, the intensity of his partner's gaze was making him uneasy. The Russian was obviously worried and he could feel his own pulse starting to quicken.

"Maybe we should get him to the hospital.", Gaby said, biting her lip nervously.

"Wait, don't you think you two are overreacting?", Napoleon said in a nasally voice as he pinched his nose shut with the handkerchief.

"I think Gaby is right, Cowboy. It is better to be safe than to be sorry.", Illya replied softly.

"The actual expression is 'better safe than sorry', Peril. And before I go anywhere, I need to use the bathroom and change my shirt. Then, in the unlikely event that I'm still bleeding, maybe we can consider going to the hospital."

Without waiting for an answer he walked to the bathroom and locked the door.

Illya and Gaby waited for him to come out, standing outside the door. After a surprisingly long moment they finally heard the sound of the toilet flushing. Napoleon came out of the bathroom, looking pale.

"Well I think we should go now.", he said in a hurried voice.

"Go where?"

"To the hospital."

"I thought you wanted to change your shirt, Cowboy…"

"No time.", Napoleon answered. And he walked to the door without even bothering to rebutton his stained shirt.

Illya and Gaby exchanged a confused glance. Gaby hastily grabbed a few gauze pads, the tape, a fresh handkerchief and Napoleon's jacket and Illya and her followed Napoleon to the door. Illya kept shooting worried glances at the American. The originally white handkerchief that was pressed to his nose was slowly turning crimson. Blood from his cut was starting to drip on his chest.

"Wait.", Illya took a gauze pad from Gaby and pressed it to Napoleon's chin. Gaby handed him a piece of tape and he secured the gauze in place. Then the three of them headed for the car. Illya felt a small measure of relief that he didn't have to drag his partner out of the hotel room.

 _At least Cowboy is being reasonable for once._

 **End of chapter 3 (Illya's slowly turning into Nurse Kuryakin :) )**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4! Poor Napoleon, I wonder what's happening to him... I hope you guys enjoy this chapter :)**

 _Half an hour later, in the car_

"Could you stop checking my pulse every five minutes, Peril? You're making me nervous."

"Your heartbeat is fast."

"It's fast because you're making me nervous."

Illya reluctantly let go of his partner's wrist. Napoleon was still holding the handkerchief to his nose but it was now saturated with blood and starting to drip onto his clothes. At least Illya had been able to change the gauze pad on his chin.

"Is he still bleeding?", Gaby asked, glancing at Napoleon in the rear-view mirror.

Illya removed the handkerchief from Napoleon's face and tilted his chin up. Blood was still trickling steadily from his nose. Another trickle of blood was coming out the left side of his mouth.

"Still bleeding from his nose and his mouth. It doesn't look like it's going to stop."

"It will stop eventually…" , Napoleon uttered in a tired voice. "When there's no blood left in my body."

He closed his eyes and rested his head against the seat.

Illya frowned.

"You're not falling asleep, Cowboy?"

"No, no… I'm just not feeling so well, my head is killing me…"

"Keep pressing that to your nose.", Illya said, putting the handkerchief back in his hand.

"It's not doing much good though, Peril. I have blood on my clothes and I'm redecorating the car seat…"

"Do as I say, Cowboy. And no sleeping."

The Russian looked down at his hands, his fingers were covered in Napoleon's blood. Visually, the stains on the American's clothes looked alarming, but Illya knew he hadn't actually lost that much blood.

 _So why does he look like he's going to pass out?_

His gaze shifted again to Napoleon's face. He was even paler than when they had left the hotel.

 _Twenty minutes later, still in the car_

"Illya, please stop tapping your fingers against your leg, it's not going to make the car move faster.", Gaby said, irritated.

"Sorry."

"How is he?"

Illya studied Napoleon's ashen face for a while before he answered. His partner's eyes were closed, his jaw was clenched. His skin was covered in a sheen of sweat.

"He's really pale…"

At that moment, Napoleon's hold on the handkerchief loosened and his hand dropped into his lap. Illya immediately slapped the American's face.

"Hey, hey Cowboy! No sleeping."

"Ouch… I'm not sleeping, Peril."

"Good. Then put that back against your nose.", Illya instructed, picking up the handkerchief.

"No…it's useless…and I don't want to…"

Before Napoleon could finish his sentence, Illya had already twisted both ends of the handkerchief and inserted them into his partner's nostrils. The American looked ridiculous and Illya would have been tempted to make fun of him if he had not been so worried. He suspected that Napoleon had dropped the handkerchief because he was too weak to hold it in place. The Russian was confused by his partner's rapidly worsening state.

 _This should not be happening. He hasn't lost enough blood to be feeling dizzy and weak._

Illya used the sleeve of Napoleon's jacket to gently wipe the sweat from his brow. He shook his head.

 _Stupid, delicate, fragile American… You'd better not be dying._

He sat in silence for a moment, listening to Napoleon's breathing. It was a bit rapid and shallow. Was it because of the pain in his head? Or because he had trouble breathing with the blood in his nose and mouth? Or was it a sign of something worse?

After a while Illya realized that he was drumming his fingers against his leg again. He knew it wasn't like him to react that way. He prided himself on being stoic. And patient. After all, chess was his favorite game. Occasionally he would go into a fit of murderous rage and wanted to destroy everything around him, but he was getting better at controlling that. But worrying. That was still new to him. It had started when their team had been put together. Gaby and Cowboy were his partners. They had become his friends. They were precious to him. He didn't want to see his friends get hurt. He didn't like seeing Cowboy suffer. He felt a strange, unfamiliar tightness in his chest at the thought that his partner was in pain and he didn't know what to do to help him. This wasn't good. Illya hated being powerless. He could feel the anger and frustration building up inside him. He needed to do something to occupy his mind. He grabbed Napoleon's wrist, frowned…adjusted his grip…his frown deepened.

"You're…doing it again, Peril…", came Napoleon's weak voice.

"Quiet!"

"What's going on?", Gaby asked, nervously.

Illya spread Napoleon's unbuttoned shirt open and pressed his ear to the American's chest. He concentrated as he listened to Napoleon' heart. It was beating fast, too fast.

"Damn Peril…you could use a shave." Napoleon's voice was shaky, his breathing still rapid and shallow. His poor attempt at keeping his tone light wasn't fooling Illya. Looking straight into his partner's eyes, the Russian could see the fear and confusion in them.

"You can talk, your chest is much hairier than my face, Cowboy. Keep your eyes open."

Illya took hold of Napoleon's wrist again. He could feel his pulse if he concentrated hard enough but it was much too weak for his liking. The Russian was no expert but he knew that Napoleon was rapidly getting worse and that he needed medical care as soon as possible. He didn't understand how his partner's condition had worsened so quickly. Surely a nosebleed, even a prolonged one, couldn't have triggered all that. And Cowboy had already been complaining about a headache and nausea so there had to be something else. Whatever it was, Illya was not going to wait until Napoleon died to find out.

"Gaby, Cowboy is getting worse. His pulse is too fast and weak. We need to get him to the hospital now."

"Okay…but what am I supposed to do? I can't magically make traffic disappear, can I?", Gaby snapped. She instantly regretted it. Illya only wanted to make sure Napoleon was going to be okay, and so did she. But here they were, stuck in traffic, unable to help their friend. It was infuriating.

"How far are we from the hospital.", Illya asked.

Gaby checked the map on the seat next to her and handed it to Illya.

"We're really close now. But in this traffic…it might take a while to get there."

"Park the car as soon as you can."

"What? But…"

"We will get there faster on foot."

Gaby was going to argue when she caught Illya's eyes in the rear-view mirror. She held his gaze for a second, then nodded silently and started scanning the street for a parking space.

Napoleon let out a pitiful groan. Again, Illya used the jacket sleeve to wipe his partner's sweaty brow.

"Hang in there, Cowboy.", he said softly. "We're going to get you to the hospital…one way or another."

 **End of chapter 4.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Final chapter. Are they going to get to the hospital in time to save Napoleon? I hope you like this final chapter :)**

Once Gaby had parked in the first parking space available, she got out of the car and opened the door on Illya's side.

"Do you want me to get in on the other side and push him?", she asked.

"No. I'll just pull him out.", Illya replied. He turned Napoleon around so that the American's back would rest against his chest, then he hooked his arms under his partner's armpits and gently pulled him out of the car. As Napoleon's feet touched the ground, Illya adjusted his grip, wrapping one arm around his partner's back and pulling one of Napoleon's arms around his shoulders. He noted that the American was leaning heavily on him and he doubted that Napoleon would have been able to stand without support.

Gaby had shut the car doors and grabbed the map. She was figuring out the fastest route to get to the hospital on foot.

"Okay, so the hospital is this way", Gaby said. "It shouldn't take us more than ten minutes to get there."

"You think you can walk, Cowboy?"

"I…I'll try…", Napoleon coughed and sprayed tiny droplets of blood on the sidewalk.

Illya and Gaby exchanged another concerned look.

"Let's go."

Gaby put Napoleon's other arm around her shoulders and the three of them started heading towards the hospital.

They had only been walking for five minutes when Napoleon's knees buckled. Gaby almost fell, surprised by the sudden dead weight. Illya reflexively tightened his grip to keep his partner from falling.

"What's going on, Cowboy?"

"I can't…walk…the ground keeps moving…"

"Okay, you rest for a bit.", Illya instructed, gently lowering Napoleon to the ground so that he could sit up against a wall. He looked even worse than he had back in the car. The contrast between his deathly pale skin and the crimson blood on his face was striking. His breathing hadn't improved either.

"I'm starting to think we should have stayed in the car.", Gaby said, biting her lip. "He looks exhausted…and how are we going to reach the hospital if he can't walk?"

Illya was going to answer when Napoleon let out a pained groan.

"Peril…my chest hurts…"

Illya felt that strange tightness in his chest again when he heard his partner's words. He turned his attention back to Gaby.

"I'll carry him."

"Are you sure you can carry him all the way to the hospital?"

"I don't carry him, he'll die. Help me get him up"

Putting Napoleon's arms around their shoulders again, they managed to get him up on his feet. Illya knew that the most efficient way of carrying his partner would be to place him facedown across his shoulders, but with Cowboy's nose bleeding, he wasn't sure that it was a good idea to have his head hanging down. It also meant that he would be unable to see Napoleon and consequently unable to monitor his condition. He didn't want to get to the hospital only to find out that he had been carrying his partner's dead body. He hesitated for a second, then he bent down, hooked his arm under Napoleon's knees and lifted him bridal style. As he adjusted the American's arm around his neck, he heard him mumble something.

"What did you say?", He asked leaning closer to Napoleon's mouth.

"I…do…", Napoleon repeated weakly.

Illya rolled his eyes.

"Shut your mouth and concentrate on staying alive, Cowboy.", he growled.

They started walking in the direction of the hospital again. Gaby was leading the way with the map. Illya alternated between looking ahead and looking down at Napoleon. The American had closed his eyes, his rapid breathing and the occasional whimper that escaped his lips reassured the Russian that he was still alive. Illya's eyes lingered on Napoleon's face, then shifted to his blood-soaked shirt.

"How far are we now?", he asked Gaby.

"We're almost there."

"Good. I think Cowboy's been putting on weight."

Illya could feel his partner getting heavier in his arms. Suddenly, Napoleon stirred and started struggling weakly against the Russian's grip. His eyes were opened but unfocused.

"No…please…put me down…"

Illya tightened his grip and pressed his partner close against his chest to prevent him from moving too much.

"Don't talk like that, Cowboy. We're not putting you down yet, we can still save you."

Gaby shot him a glare that said "not funny". They turned the corner at the end of the street and she spotted the large building.

"There's the hospital!"

Illya felt a wave of relief come over him. They quickly reached the building and Gaby held the door open as he went in, still carrying Napoleon. Gaby started explaining the situation to a nurse while another nurse brought a gurney and motioned for Illya to set Napoleon down on it. Illya hesitated. He understood that Cowboy needed immediate care, but he was reluctant to let go of him. He knew that once he put his partner down on that gurney, he would be wheeled away and Gaby and him wouldn't be allowed to follow. Then the waiting and worrying would begin again. He glanced at Napoleon's face, sighed and set him down on the gurney.

 _You'd better not make us wait too long, useless American._

 ** _5 hours later_**

Illya, Gaby, Napoleon and the doctor who had taken care of him were all gathered in one of the hospital rooms. Napoleon was lying in the bed, dressed in a hospital gown. The blood had been washed away from his face, a fresh gauze-pad was taped to his chin and, although he was obviously still feeling tired, he no longer looked like he was about to die.

"Well, you are a very lucky young man.", the doctor said addressing Napoleon. "If your friends had waited a bit longer before they brought you to the hospital, you would have died from external and internal bleeding."

Internal bleeding? Judging by the look on Gaby's and Peril's faces, they were as puzzled as he was.

"It's weird though.", the doctor went on. "People usually head to the hospital as soon as they realize they've been bitten."

"I'm sorry… bitten?", Napoleon asked.

"Yes bitten. You were lucky we're familiar with the effects of the boomslang venom here. We were able to administer the anti-venom quickly."

"I apologize if that sounds like a stupid question but…what's a boomslang?", The more the doctor talked, the more confused Napoleon was.

"Boomslang is what we call the snake that bit you. It's a type of tree snake. Its venom is a hemotoxin. Nasty thing, really. It prevents your blood from clotting, destroys red blood cells and causes internal and external bleeding. The vicious thing about it is that the symptoms can take up to a day to develop. That's why people around here, who know about the boomslang's venom, usually come to the hospital right away. Even if you think that the bite was harmless, it might actually turn out to be life-threatening."

"But…I wasn't bitten by a snake…I haven't even been around snakes"

"Well, you must have been. Its venom was in your blood. It was killing you, no doubt about that. Maybe you got bitten and didn't realize it or didn't think much of it at the time. The boomslang bite is not that painful, it feels like getting pricked with a sharp knife"

 _Getting pricked with a sharp knife…didn't think much of it at the time…_

Then it clicked. Napoleon looked at the back of his hand, a gauze-pad was taped to it.

 _The man at the warehouse_

The crazy man with the garrote, the man who had pulled a blade on him when he had tried to stop him. Maybe the venom had been on the tip of the blade. Or maybe what he had thought was a really thin knife was actually some kind of syringe and the venom had been injected into his hand. He remembered how he'd thought he had seen the man smile in the darkness. He hadn't been mistaken. His attacker had been smiling, because he knew that Napoleon would have no way of guessing that boomslang venom had entered his body. And with the delayed symptoms, he knew his victim wasn't likely to worry or seek medical help until it was too late. Until he was bleeding out from every hole. The thought made him shudder.

 _Damn…_

He had been lucky that Peril and Gaby were such mother hens.

"Are you okay, Cowboy?"

"Oh hum yes…", Napoleon replied, he had been lost in his thoughts and had lost track of the conversation between Peril, Gaby and the doctor.

"How long does he need to stay here?", Gaby asked.

"Well as I said we were able to administer the anti-venom in time but with the external and internal bleeding combined he had lost a lot of blood and we had to transfuse him. The transfusion went without incident but I still want to keep him in for observation. If there are no complications from the anti-venom, he'll be out of here in three days."

 _Three days?_

Napoleon groaned. He felt even more annoyed as he saw the smile forming on Illya's face.

"Well Mr Solo, that's what you get for not getting to the hospital right away after being bitten by a dangerous snake.", the doctor lectured him.

Napoleon cursed inwardly as the smile on Illya's face grew bigger.

After a while, the doctor left the room. Gaby and Illya stayed with Napoleon and he was able to explain to them how the boomslang venom had ended up in his body. Gaby was shaken as she realized how close they had come to disaster. Illya kept commenting mockingly on how Cowboy had the worst luck in the world. But if Napoleon had been less tired and more attentive, he might have noticed the mixture of worry, relief and anger in his partner's eyes. They sat in silence for a while and eventually Napoleon fell asleep. Illya and Gaby watched him sleep until visiting hours were over and they had to leave.

 ** _The next day_**

"Good morning Solo. How are you feeling?"

"Hi Gaby. Well I'm feeling pretty venom-free today. When are you taking me back to the hotel?"

"The doctor said three days, Solo. And your charming smile won't change anything. By the way, this is for you.", Gaby handed him a small, brown envelope.

Napoleon took the envelope and opened it. Inside was a photograph.

"Wow, what is that?"

"That, is a photograph of a boomslang. Illya and I got it at the museum. We thought that since you were almost killed by that snake's venom, you at least deserved to know what it looks like. Illya wanted to get you an actual boomslang. Thankfully I managed to dissuade him."

"Thanks, Peril, I appreciate the thought. By the way, I had a question for you. When you were carrying me. You know, gently carrying me like a frail bride in your big strong arms…"

"What's your question, Cowboy.", Illya cut in, annoyed.

"Did you happen to mention my weight? I can't be entirely sure because I was only half-conscious but I have a vague memory of you complaining about me putting on weight."

"Maybe I said something about that, yes."

"Well you're the one to talk, Peril, you're huge."

"I'm muscular, not the same thing."

"So what, you mean to say I'm getting fat?"

"I noticed your belly is getting soft."

Napoleon turned to Gaby for support.

"Well you do tend to butter your bread rather generously at breakfast, Solo…"

"At least that's one positive consequence of having to stay here.", Napoleon said surly. "The hospital food is so bad I think I'm actually going to lose weight."

Napoleon looked so miserable that Illya and Gaby were unable to keep a straight face any longer and started laughing.

Illya looked at his partners. Of course working in a team had its downsides. Cowboy could be a pain in the backside sometimes. Privacy was far from guaranteed. And then there was the whole worrying thing. But they made it work, they took care of one another, and in moments like these, when the three of them were together, laughing, Illya felt like it was worth it.

 **The end.**

 **Again, I'm not a medical doctor so medical inaccuracies will occur :s**

 **Thank you guys for the reviews and yes CasiNight, you guessed right, Illya totally carried Napoleon :) .  
**


End file.
